Pleasurati

Sex sweets filled with double potions

By Lee Shi-Ian

PETALING JAYA: It was marketed as a premium ginseng candy priced at RM10 each, but instead of the herbal root, it contained sildenafil and tadalafil, the key compounds to treat erectile dysfunction.

Health Ministry enforcement officers recently intercepted a shipment of 68,000 herbal candies worth RM680,000 before it could be exported to China and the Middle East.

A Health Ministry source told the New Straits Times that the sex candies had been illegally produced in local factories at remote locations and were several times stronger than the normal Viagra pills.

"Investigations show that the manufacturer had intentionally mixed both compounds, sildenafil and tadalafil.

"Although used to treat erectile dysfunction, they are controlled drugs," the source revealed.

Following a tip-off, a ministry enforcement team carried out raids at several locations since last month.

The authorities learnt that the candies were being produced by several factories outside the Klang Valley before being sent to the headquarters of a direct-selling firm in Kuala Lumpur.

"Raids were conducted at several locations in Kuala Lumpur, Selangor, Negri Sembilan and Johor," the source added.

"The largest seizure was at a direct-selling outlet in Cheras."

The source also said based on the documents seized, there were plans to export the sex candies to the Middle East and several other countries, where the price was double.

"The distributors published misleading information on the candy's packaging to fool customers, claiming it contained plant extract and ginseng as the main ingredients."

The source said the case was being investigated under the Poisons Act 1952 and the Sales of Drugs Act 1952.

If convicted, the offender could be fined between RM25,000 and RM50,000, or imprisoned for two years.

In April, the ministry's enforcement team raided a company selling the sex sweets in Tampin, Negri Sembilan.

Numerous brands were found, including ginseng chocolate, Formula 193 sweets, Mentalk and Maca Gin chocolates.

Sildenafil and tadalafil are harmful substances, especially if consumed by those suffering from high blood pressure, heart disease or high cholesterol.

They can cause low blood pressure, leading to fainting spells or even sudden death.

Those with information on such activities can call the enforcement division at 03- 78413200.

Did you read that? It was featured in yesterday's NST.

This is what makes me proud to be a Malaysian. Really. Malaysia Boleh!

We are quite an ingenious lot, we are. We know what sells, yes, SEX! SEX sells and we intend to make a profit off it; especially during these hard times when the people need to escape into happiness and euphoria.

The Health Ministry (MOH) just don't get it do they?

WTF, RM10 for a piece of happiness is a small price to pay.

Give the people what they want, I say! Don't deny them of their source of joy! Shame on you for taking candy from erectile dysfunction grown men!

So what if your consumers suffer from a bit of low blood pressure and fainting spell, the important thing is, will their pecker still be hard as a rod when they are unconscious? I mean, as long as your partner can still partake in your rod of love, he or she can just amuse her/himself until you come around again, right? In any, sex does raise your blood pressure, so I think it will offset the low blood pressure. I think as long as there is no misrepresentation in your marketing literature, there should not be a problem. I would advise you to actually put more Ginseng and herbs in it next time and make it your main ingredients. What other incidental ingredients you want to include is up to you.

Okay, so it can cause sudden death but all sporting activities carry some risks. I mean, I know of a few people who died from playing badminton. Given a choice, would you rather drop dead having sex or playing badminton? I think the former is a more pleasurable way to go, don't you?

Remember this scene from Private Benjamin?




I bet he died with a smile on his face.

Furthermore, these shortsighted MOH people fail to consider the economic implications of confiscating these candies. The sale of these candies put money in the market place.

A scenario :

Dick buys a Sex Candy for RM10 a pop, consumes it and has a hard-on. Dick goes looking for sex and here money is further exchanged, either he pays for sex or he buys a drink to pick up someone for sex or buys dinner/flowers/wine for wife/girlfriend/boyfriend to induce sex - you get the point - money changes hands. The economy gets a shot or two and everyone is happy, or at the very least, Dick is. And at RM10 for a piece of candy, you can't blame Dick for wanting to stretch his Ringgit, so to speak. The longer he prolongs his lovemaking/fucking/fellating the more the ROI on his RM10 sex candy. Seriously, give the guy a break! It's not like he is throwing good money after bad, he is throwing good money after sex.

I won't even mention the potential income we could have gained from exports to China and the Middle East (maybe the Ministry of Finance - MOF - should step in).

How bad can candy be? Agreed, it rots your teeth, but that can easily be rectified by sugarless variants. In any case, wouldn't you trade a prolonged erection for rotten teeth? Also, rotten teeth means visits to dentists - where money will again exchange hands. And if it results in sudden death, the undertakers and the hospitals benefit right? So what say you MOF?

Hey, here's an idea, maybe you can label it as medicinal candy ala Tongkat Ali or Minyak Gamat style. After all, the drugs you put inside are used for treating erectile dysfunction, aren't they? Be more subtle in your marketing. Don't tout it as sex candy and attract unnecessary attention. Don't use names like Formula 193, Mentalk and Maca Gin - they are too vague. Try something like Choc-A-Boner or Stiffy-In-A-Candy or Chubby Chocolates. I will be honoured if you use my name - Sweet Woody.

In any case, I just wanted to offer my sympathies for your failure to launch. I am so sorry that your tall, upstanding ambitions got the snip. In the same breath, I want to applaud you for your enterprising spirit.

I have faith that you will be back with even better and more potent medicines and aids (hey, here's an idea, how about a slow release patch?). I know this because I believe you lot have our sexual concerns at heart. You have a calling to help the human race to make love, not war.

In the meantime, I'll advise you to take a dose of your medicine and escape into orgasmic bliss before they find you.

Here's a song for you poor sods: